


Unhelpful

by Davechicken



Series: The Pilot and his Knight [53]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-18 05:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8150500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Post-Helpful. Poe finds out what Kylo did.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Helpful](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8105953) by [Davechicken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken). 



Poe can’t help it. Sometimes he’s tired. Sometimes he’s tired, and he’s only _Human_. He makes mistakes, and sometimes the _name he shouldn’t use_ slips out. The dead one.

(And he’s not sure ‘Ben’ _is_ dead. But that’s way above his Basic Squad Leader Psych training, and Kylo keeps saying he _doesn’t need_ to talk to anyone, and you can’t damn well _make someone_ go for therapy, and if using another name keeps him from getting upset, then Poe will damn well do it. Until he forgets. Like today.)

“Babe, I’m sorry.”  


“It’s nothing.”  


‘Nothing’ is a thin line of pale lips, a haunted darkness around the eyes, a stiff-backed stance and a cold sweat on the brow. ‘Nothing’ is words clipped out, and hurting.  


Nothing is not nothing.

“I’m sorry. I just… I wasn’t thinking, okay.”  


“I said don’t worry about it.”  


Force’s sake. Okay. 

He has to remember he’s in the wrong here, not Kylo. And getting upset with him for getting upset isn’t helpful, or sensible. And getting upset with him for not feeling great about talking after he used _that_ name…

It’s an endless feedback loop and one he wants out of.

And yet, he can’t seem to stop himself. “Don’t you… don’t you wish, sometimes? Just sometimes.”

“Wish what?”  


“I dunno. Maybe if I’d have stayed with you, been around while you were training…”  


Kylo snorts. 

“What? I might have helped!” He finds the implication that he _wouldn’t_ troubling. And offensive. He was always a calming influence for Ben, back then.   


“I wouldn’t have let you stay.”  


“It wouldn’t have been your choice to.”  


“Oh… but it was.”  


Poe feels the weight of dread over his head. “What’s that supposed to mean?”  


Kylo’s eyes slide away. “Nothing.”

Fucking. **Nothing**. Again. “Kylo…” He doesn’t mean to use a sharp, cutting tone. He does, all the same.

“You wanted to be a pilot so badly. I knew you were thinking about staying, so I…”  


No. No, no, no. A cold sweat over his temples, in the curve of his back. No. Kylo - _Ben_ \- would never have… “What did you do?”

“What I thought was best for you.” He shrugs. “Told you, I’m not a nice person, Poe. Even when I’m trying to be.”  


Even when he tried to be, he thought robbing someone of their own free will was - what - a fucking gift?

“I need to think about this.” He needs to dunk his head in cold water.  


Kylo sighs. His eyes shift down, he waits for Poe to leave.

Only Poe doesn’t. He doesn’t, and: “Are you in my head right now?”

“No.”  


He thinks harder. “Have you, since you came back?”

“Not that you don’t know about.”  


Ben had been a kid. A troubled kid. A kid without real knowledge of boundaries, trying to sacrifice his own happiness for Poe’s sake. Even if the loss of his own will is horrific to him, and the thought of ‘what if’ Ben hadn’t pushed him away…

“Promise me something.”  


“What, Poe?”  


“Promise me… you will _never_ make my decisions for me, again. Even if it saves my life. **Promise me**.”  


“Poe, I can’t–”  


“Did you like it when people did it to you?”   


It’s a question he should not ask, a subject he should not broach. _He does so anyway._ He waits for the horror to sink all the way in, and then he holds his hand out for Kylo’s.

“Talk to me,” Poe begs. “Don’t try to do what you _think_ is right. We talk it through… _together_. Okay? Even if it’s hard.”  


“Poe, I never meant to hurt you…”  


“I know. But it did. I didn’t mean to hurt you tonight, but I did. So. How about we admit we’re gonna do that, sometimes? But… we try not to.”  


Kylo rubs his thumb against Poe’s knuckles. “Okay.”

“You dumb nerf,” he accuses, and leans in to kiss his forehead. “I love you, you know?”  


“Yeah,” Kylo replies, and his eyes look less pained. Or… the pain is different, now.   


“C’mon. I want to cuddle on the couch. You got any objections?”  


“Only if you insist on those cheese snacks again. Your whole chest vibrates when you eat them, and it tickles my ear.”  


Poe beams. “Icecream?”

“Icecream I can get behind.”   


Of course he can. Kylo has a sweeter tooth than even Snap. Poe doesn’t mind swapping chips for cones any day, if it means cuddles with Kylo. He lets go of his hand and goes to get two servings ready. 

They’re going to be okay.


End file.
